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Dating, Chemistry and Timing

After interviewing a lot of single men and women on their dating experiences, It’s Just Lunch managed to get some real, inside information on what men and women are really looking for when they meet someone for the first time. We’ve offered tips on making a good first impression, flirting and wordplay, and tips for both sexes on what they expect out of someone on a first date. However, through all the tips and tricks, sometimes it just comes down to chemistry and timing. So what are those two seemingly nebulous yet important parts of a date?

 

You Can’t Force Chemistry… But You Can Coax It Along

So what is chemistry? Most people aren’t sure exactly what it is, but they know it when they feel it. If you have good chemistry with someone, such as on a first date, you’ll want to pursue more time with him or her. If there is bad chemistry, then it’s unlikely you’ll want to see each other again. Whatever the case, most singles – almost 66% of our respondents – said that chemistry is the single most important part of a first date; more so than even initial compatibility. While a couple may not be perfect on paper, a first date may reveal a lot more than what is in a profile. In fact, almost 44% of singles said that if they “felt comfortable being themselves” it meant the first date was a success. And listen up, ladies: 49% of men said that being able to feel comfortable as themselves on a first date was a sure sign of a good one.

 On occasion, there will be times where a first date will reveal no chemistry whatsoever. While this isn’t a bad thing, it might mean that one person wasn’t comfortable opening up, or perhaps there was mutual defensiveness on both sides. Again, while you can’t necessarily force chemistry, you can take some of the tips we have covered on www.itsjustlunchblog.com to help coax it in the right direction.

 

Confidence Has A Lot To Do With Interviewing… That, and Timing

The comparison may seem a little cold, but let’s face it: first dates are very much like interviews. Exude confidence, be comfortable in your own skin, be interested and kind to your first date, and chances are you’ll get a second one. However, there is a window in which most people decide on whether or not they’ll want to see someone again. According to our respondents, 44% of women and 46% of men decide within the first twenty minutes whether or not a second date is in the cards. The good news is that since a previous survey in 2004, both men and women are gradually deciding later and later in the date as to whether or not they want to see each other again. For example, in 2004, almost 80% of guys decided whether or not to take a woman out again within the first 15 minutes!

 

Dating Material or Relationship Material?

If the chemistry and compatibility is right, most men and women start thinking about when they want see each other again. However, are they merely thinking about a second date, or are they thinking about a relationship? Hold on to your hats, guys: 45% reflected on a first date and then asked yourselves, “Is she relationship material?” On the other hand, almost 51% of women are more likely to consider whether they want a second date or not, while 39% asked themselves if a guy was relationship material.

Even though it seems a lot can happen within the first hour of a date that makes a single decide whether or not they want to see someone again, the best thing to do is just slow it down. Dating, and much like the relationships that can follow, are marathons; not sprints. With all the complex intricacies that can occur on in a first date, it’s tough to expect perfection. If we let our guards down a bit and relax, have fun, be comfortable in our own skin and make our dates comfortable in theirs, you’ll never know what kind of surprises you’ll discover.

 

dating advice, first dates, timing, chemistry, It’s Just Lunch, dating tips

Why, Hello 2012: The It’s Just Lunch New Year’s Eve Dating Guide

With 2011 rapidly coming to an end, many people already have their sights set on 2012, whether it’s making (and sticking to) resolutions in the new year, reflecting on past goals and making a list of new ones, or thinking about how to approach relationships both platonic and romantic. However, because December is arguably one of the busiest months in anyone’s social calendar— packed with work and social holiday parties, family gatherings, and gift-giving, we naturally put off plans for celebrating the actual turn of the new year until the last minute.

While you’ve probably heard refrains about New Year’s Eve being overrated year after year, what do men and women really think about when it comes to celebrating that night? It’s Just Lunch surveyed a number of men and women who offered their thoughts on going to a New Year’s party, finding a New Year’s date, and getting that end-of-year-sealing kiss at midnight.

 

To Go, or Not To Go? 

We’ve asked ourselves this question at one point or another: do I even need to go out on New Year’s Eve, much less have a date? According to our respondents, the answer is an emphatic “no!” With over 75 percent of men and women saying that you don’t need to go out or have a date on December 31. That said, a slight majority (55 percent) said that New Year’s Eve is an overrated, overpriced night and that saying in and watching TV is a better option than going out.

Interestingly enough, when we asked what would make the best New Year’s Eve date, a 55 percent of respondents replied with “going to a house party” over dinner and a movie at home (18 percent) or dinner and a movie out (9 percent) or checking out a live performance at a club (17 percent.)

While people honestly believe that New Year’s Eve is a bit overrated, going out on a regular date or staying in altogether aren’t attractive alternatives either. That’s why a house party is a great option for the last night of the year. You can control how big or how small you want the crowd, it’s inevitably less expensive than going out to a club or restaurant, and there’s an intimate, friendly feel to the evening that is inclusive toward both close friends and newcomers.

 

Kiss 2011 Goodbye

Wherever you end up, it’s possible you have a cute date by your side for the evening and inevitably you’ll start thinking about that midnight kiss. Whether you’ve been seeing them for a few months or just met that night, what’s the etiquette when it comes to a kiss?

If you just laid eyes on someone that night and have enjoyed each other’s company, a kiss certainly isn’t out of bounds. While you’ll have to make your own judgment about how the chemistry feels, a kiss at midnight is a fantastic icebreaker for a cozy evening. However, the vast majority (60 percent) of our respondents told us they would still keep a kiss under seven seconds. Remember, if you’re with a group of friends you’ll want to wish them Happy New Year too!

For a couple who has dated over the past three months, you’re probably more inclined to kiss for longer, and our survey results agreed with most saying that a long kiss is completely appropriate. 62 percent of our respondents also agreed that a subtle, reserved kiss is also the way to go at midnight, especially if you’re at a party where cheering and singing of Auld Lang Syne trumps any long make out session.

20 Years of First Dates – Part 3: First Date Tips for Women. Kindness is Key

Magazines and advice columns often say being standoffish or playing “hard-to-get” is an attractive quality in women that men notice. We’re going to debunk that theory. If you’re on a first date, don’t play coy, ladies. This is a chance to get to know someone. You’ve agreed to go on a date with a guy; be kind and approachable and you’ll radiate attractiveness. 

1. Dress for Success: Give a guy an opportunity to use those compliments he has saved up for you and dress like you’re interested, whether it’s an intimate dinner date or a casual walk in the park. Style points count toward chemistry.
2. Be On Time: While you really shouldn’t be late for anything, being late for a first date can be a mood-killer for men. Trust us.
3. Kindness is Key: Whether it’s directed toward your date or toward the wait staff, 34% of singles mentioned kindness as the most important character trait in a partner.
4. Avoid Negativity: Leave unflattering remarks about your ex-boyfriend, your boss, your family at the door. And avoid self-deprecation too.  Men appreciate a positive attitude. 
5. Be Light and Playful: While going on a first date might often feel like a job interview, there isn’t any reason to make it stay that way. Create banter and levity and your date will appreciate it and respond. You’re meeting someone new—enjoy yourself!
6. Make Eye Contact: See #9 in the men’s first date tips section below; replace “her” with “him” and “she’ll” with “he’ll.”
7. Smile: It’s not surprising that in our It’s Just Lunch survey, well over half of singles polled said a simple smile is the most attractive physical feature a date can flash. Use it.
8. Pay Him a Compliment: While he’s trying to make you feel comfortable and at ease, try and return the favor too. It’s all part of chemistry-creation.
9. Avoid Political Posturing: Intellectual conversation is stimulating as well as sexy, but leave strong opinions at the door. You’re on a date; not at a debate.
10. Show a Different Side: If you show a softer side, it makes it easier for your date to find common ground with you. Relax and be open toward him. You’ll develop a better connectionr that way.

20 Years of First Dates – Part 3: First Date Tips for Men

From first impressions, to chemistry and wordplay, there are a lot of little things a person can do to attract the opposite sex on a first date; and most of these can be applied to both sexes. But are there some that may only apply to men or women exclusively? Of course, and that’s why in our It’s Just Lunch Dating Survey, we took a look at the top behaviors that both men and women expect on a first date.  For the men…

 Men: Chivalry Isn’t Dead

 Trends and attitudes toward the sexes may come and go, but one thing is for certain, gentleman: chivalry never goes out of style. Treat your date well, and you’re well on your way to landing a second date. Treat her more like your college bud and, well, don’t expect her to sit by the phone waiting for your call. 

1. Smile:  When your date arrives and you make eye contact with her, smile! It’s such a simple tip, but it’s an immediate way to create chemistry, (which we’ll talk about in part 4.)
2. Say Something: Great conversation and wordplay leads to attraction. Be ready with things to talk about, even do your homework and find out what she’s interested in, but most importantly listen to what she has to say too.
3. Straighten Up: Your body language tells a lot about whether or not you’re interested in someone. Standoffish, slouchy behavior isn’t attractive. Leaning toward your partner and using eye contact, however, is attractive.
4. Get There 5 Minutes Before She Does: Unless it’s Carmageddon on the 405, there isn’t much of an excuse to be late these days. Use Google Maps and don’t be late. She’ll appreciate the fact that you arrived early.
5. Treat Her Well: Remember we were talking about the little things? This means holding doors, allowing her to sit first, etc. In fact, make it an everyday habit and you’ll see it pay dividends.
6. Treat Others With Respect: In our It’s Just Lunch survey, the biggest thing women mentioned they noticed about their date is how he treats others. Treat others with respect, and your date will notice… and approve.
7. Compliment Her: No need to quote Shakespeare; but a few positive comments will make her feel comfortable
8. Confidence is King: You might normally think, “Will she like me?” on a first date. Turn it around and ask yourself: “Will I like her?”
9. Make Eye Contact: If you’re truly paying attention to her, she’ll notice if you make eye contact. If you don’t, she’ll think you’re bored or disinterested.
10. Make Her Laugh: You don’t need to act like a stand-up comedian, but open up the creative side of your brain and make her laugh. She’ll feel more comfortable with you after that.