It's Just Lunch :: The Dating Tips Blog

The Pros and Cons of Cyberdating

The Pros:  It's immediate, convenient and cheap.  You get to know basic information about your dates before you meet them in person.  You have access to thousands of people and can narrow your search by criteria.  You can learn to speak of and describe yourself kindly which reinforces a positive self image.

The Cons:  The biggest con is also one of the most appealing parts of online dating.  You can be anybody you want to be and so can he or she.  Studies mentioned in The Wall Street Journal state that "30%of online dating site visitors are married and countless others misrepresent themselves."  Not exactly what you signed up for, huh?  You'll find more than your fair share of untruths online, so don't believe everything you read or see. 

Soulmate Search Stalled? Matchmaker Has Advice

Soulmate Search Stalled? Matchmaker Has Advice

A mistake many people make when they're looking for someone to date is that they don't first take a good look at themselves.

Kailen Rosenburg, a relationship counselor and matchmaker in the Twin Cities for many years, stands by the belief that if you're not emotionally healthy, you'll have hard time finding someone who is right for you.

"Check in with yourself, make sure you like yourself, that you know what you want in a partner and how you see your roles playing out," she said. "Then check in with your friends and family and say, 'This is how myself. Is this what you see too? Do I have an accurate picture of myself?'"

Kailen said it's crucial to first make an assessment of your own personal matters because it's no good trying to unite two "broken people" together, as she put it.

That said, even if you do have it all together, it can still be difficult to meet someone. But if you're willing to spend some money, you can hire a professional matchmaker to help you.

The matchmakers at meet with clients face-to-face, have them fill out a questionnaire and then try to match them up. They schedule a lunch date for you at a restaurant.

Stephanie Kluver, a matchmaker at the Minneapolis office, has many success stories to tell.

"We don't do dinner. We want it to be casual and low pressure. We want you to sit down and have a drink or lunch and have there be a short time to see if there is chemistry," she said.

After each lunch date, the matchmakers contact their clients to see how the date went. That debriefing helps them determine what it is clients are really looking for. They say people request a second date about 80 percent of the time.

Kluver said most of her clients simply don't have time to get out and socialize, which is why they come to them for help.

"I think people are at work, in front of a computer, and they are not meeting other great singles. They are not meeting other great people who are a match for them," she said.

The membership prices for It's Just Lunch are on the high end -- $1,800 for six months, $2,200 for a year. But if you join before Valentine's Day, you can get one month free of charge.

There are several locations in the Twin Cities and many more nationwide. And there are more than a dozen other matchmaking services in Minnesota, as well

~WCCO

 

Got Game? New Singles Survey Reveals Dating Game Plan for Super Bowl Sunday

In case you’ve been hiding under a rock, the Super Bowl is in town.  A long-anticipated day, filled with camaraderie, passion, competition, celebration, and occasionally disappointment. This might not sound like the ideal setting for a romantic meet-up, but if you have successfully drafted a date for the big event, some pre-game advice is at hand to help get in the end zone, avoid embarrassing fumbles, and score the ultimate touchdown.

It’s Just Lunch (IJL), the premier international dating service for busy professionals, announces the results of their Super Bowl Sunday Survey providing insight in to men’s and women’s psyche, and expert tips for how to have a successful Super Bowl date… just in time. 

· 58% of singles say that they would bring a first date to a Super Bowl party, so you stand in good company.  If you haven’t booked that date yet, get to it.

· Among singles, loyalty is key.  74% of men and 82% of women stated that they will root against their date’s team at the Super Bowl party. This means you need to be ready for some competition in the room, not just on the screen. Our advice? Let your date know in advance that your emotions can run high, but that you know it’s just a game.

· Room etiquette – gabbing on the sidelines is fine, but when you are in front of the screen, all singles (men and women) are serious about the big game.

o   If their date was talking during the game, 52% of singles would quickly talk to their date, but would want to turn all conversation back to football.

o   And if the talk continues? 8% of all singles would never ask their date out again, while 31% of men would ask them out again, but never to a sporting event.

o   17% of women would ask their date to “be quiet” so they could focus on the game, and interestingly, only 9% of men would quiet their dates. So if you do get “shushed,” with these statistics, chances are you are talking too much and should get back to (playing) the game.

· Food is King – On Super Bowl Sunday, it looks like calories don’t count.  65% of men and 72% of women won’t stick to their diets during the big game; instead they will be filling up on game food. Of course, we recommend keeping this in control, as most singles aren’t looking for a wide receiver.

· Game predictions—60% of single men surveyed think the Indianapolis Colts will win the Super Bowl, while 55% of women think the Saints will win. The Saints came out on top by both men and women for having the best looking cheerleaders (55%) and players (52%) as well as having the better looking uniforms (60%). The takeaway: Looks matter and so do the get-ups. Dress to impress and try to avoid any unexpected wardrobe malfunctions.

· And if certain players were in the room? 67% of single women and 70% of single men surveyed they would rather meet Peyton Manning of the Colts for lunch rather than Drew Brees of the Saints. 

· If your date holds tickets to the actual game? Men, don’t get your hopes up—only 37% of women would invite a date to the big game. Rather, 50% of women would prefer to have their best friend join them. Surprisingly, on the other hand, only 46% of men would prefer to bring a date rather than their best friend to the actual game. So much for bromance.

· When INVITED, 70% of men and 68% of women would accept a date with someone they weren’t crazy about, just to go to the Super Bowl – looks like everyone wants to be in Miami for the big game so don’t be fooled.  The true test will be if you score a second date.

You know the rules: now take the ball and run with it.  But please, no Super Bowl shuffle.

About It’s Just Lunch

It's Just Lunch is a specialized dating service for busy singles.  IJL’s first date specialists save singles from the frustration of having to search through seas of online profiles, or play endless e-mail tag.  The company, which has arranged over a million first dates in the past 18 years, handles everything in a personalized and efficient manner – from finding the right matches to making all the arrangements for lunch, brunch or after-work drinks.  It's Just Lunch was founded in 1991 and has grown to service over 150 cities within the U.S. and internationally, and has many wonderful success stories.  For more information, please visit www.itsjustlunch.com

 

Click Here to take our latest survey and to see how you compare to other singles when it comes to Valentine's Day! 

It's Time for the It's Just Lunch Annual Super Bowl Survey!!

Every year It's Just Lunch surveys singles about the Super Bowl, everything from who they think will win, to who has the best looking players and cheerleaders.  Take the short survey here and see how your answers compare to other singles! 

Click Here to Take the Super Bowl Survey!

Ten Dating Resolutions for 2010

 By: Andrea Syrtash, Author of the Upcoming Book "He's Just Not Your Type (And That's a Good Thing)"

I remember in the months leading up to the year 2000, I made love resolutions for the new millennium. I joked with friends that I wouldn't date anyone who was not Y2K compatible, but I was serious. I wanted to be thoughtful about my love life in the 2000s. I've always believed that consciousness and commitment are key ingredients to change.

As you step into this new decade, I would encourage you to be thoughtful about your dating life and your relationships. To help you get started, here is my Top Ten Dating Resolutions for 2010.

 

1) Date the person -- not the potential.

It's wonderful to believe that the object of your desire will come around and treat you the way you want to be treated but remember - you're more likely to find success in love if you are realistic about who is in front of you today.

 

2) Listen to your date's words, but put more credence in her actions.

I often tell singles to pretend their dating lives are a silent movie. A woman may tell you she really likes you and wants to be with you, but if she is not following up and making you a priority, take the cue that she may not be relationship ready.

 

 3) Take Risks. 

 If you keep doing the same thing in your love life and want to find new results, you have to do - and date - differently. Sometimes this means stepping outside of your comfort zone and trying new activities to meet new people or stretching yourself emotionally.

 

4) Be Open.

 You cannot have true intimacy without vulnerability. If you keep protecting yourself from getting hurt, you are shutting yourself off from real connection.

 

5) Be Resilient.

 Remember that most dating scenarios are designed to fail. If everyone hit it off with every date, there would be no such thing as 'dating'! Sound depressing? It's actually good news. There is no need to put pressure on yourself that each date has to be a home-run.

 

6) Be Present.

 Sometimes we are so concerned and analytical about whether or not someone is a good match that we ignore how we actually feel about the people we spend time with. Be present on your next date and see how you feel. Now.

 

7) Be Positive.

Plain and simple – a positive attitude attracts and will make dating more enjoyable. When you start dating new people, resist the urge to complain about how your ex hurt you or how much you hate your job. Stay upbeat!

8) Get Over An Ex Who is Haunting You.

Find yourself comparing every date to the woman who broke your heart?  Write an angry letter (just make sure not to send the draft!), process your feelings with a friend or a therapist and do what you must do to find closure so you’re not bringing all the baggage from your last relationship into a potentially great new relationship.

 

9) Sweat the Small Stuff.

Do not undermine how important small gestures are to a woman. Making sure your date gets home okay, listening and genuinely being curious about what your date has to say, and being thoughtful often counts more to a woman than grand gestures.

 

10) Have fun.

In 2010, make a resolution to have fun in your dating pursuits! Dating is a great opportunity to meet new people, step out of your comfort zone and try new things.  ENJOY!

 

 Andrea Syrtash is a dating expert, life coach, author and host of 'ON Dating', produced by NBC Digital Studios. Her third book, "He's Just Not Your Type (and that's a good thing)" will be published by Rodale in April 2010. Andrea has made Google 'hot trends’, ranking in the top 100 things googled on particular days between 2007-2009. She has no idea how that happened, but appreciates the (very postmodern) honor. For more visit www.andreasyrtash.com

10 Dating Resolutions for 2010

 By: Evan Marc Katz, Author of "Why You're Still Single: Thing Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad" 

 If you’re like most Americans, you recently made a New Year’s resolution.

 

If you’re like me, you’ve already broken it. (Sorry gym – I’m still sleepy at 7am!)

 

But there are some things in life with which we have no choice but to be resolute – and that is in our search for love, companionship and great sex.

 

So, without further ado, behold, your Ten Dating Resolutions for 2010.

 

1)    Make an effort – What gives you the greater opportunity to find love: one date a year, or one date a week? Putting yourself out there is imperative to your success.

 

2)   Don’t take things personally – There are some men you’re not going to like. There will be some men who don’t like you. That’s how it goes. Don’t get too derailed when a promising prospect disappears. Every single relationship fails…until the one that doesn’t.

 

3)   Do nothing – Once you’ve made contact with him, it’s his job to follow up with you. You can reply to his calls, his emails, and his texts. You can say yes to him when he wants to make plans. But don’t initiate. A guy who’s crazy about you will let you know thru his efforts.

 

4)   Stay open – My sister moved cross country and got engaged to a bald man she met online. One friend married a blue collar guy with a huge heart. Another married a man 15 years older. Drop your fantasy of how it “should” look. True love rarely fits your original ideal.

 

5)   Be positive – You may hate dating. You may be exasperated with men. You may have experienced tons of cheaters, liars, and fools. And yet some woman falls in love every day. And Positive Polly is much more loveable than Negative Nellie.

 

6)   Don’t try to change men – Men do what they want. If you don’t like what they’re doing, then leave. What you usually do is to stay and attempt to mold him into your idea of the perfect man. Don’t bother. He’ll resent you for trying; you’ll resent him for failing.

 

7)   Change your focus – Choose kindness over lust. Consistency over brilliance. It’s not that it’s wrong to desire a smart, hot, rich guy; it’s that it doesn’t matter how great he is if you’re not being treated the way you deserve.

 

8)   Be humble – recognize that while you sit across the lunch table dissecting the many things your date doesn’t have, he can do the exact same thing to you.

 

9)   Forgive the ignorance – Men have no idea how to date you, but believe it or not, they’re doing their best. Forgive them when they talk too much or start to brag or get nervous. They just want you to like them.

 

10)   Give yourself a break – Dating’s difficult enough. No point in beating yourself up – especially when you’re doing everything else above perfectly.

 

Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach and the author of “Why You’re Still Single”. Learn to create your own success in dating by picking up his free eBook, “The 5 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Your Love Life” at www.evanmarckatz.com/newsletter.html

5 Questions You Should Never Ask Your Date

1.  Do I look fat?

2.  What did you look like with hair?

3.  How many lovers have you had?

4.  How much can a partner at your law firm expect to make?

5.  What is your ex like?

Women: Don’t Give Holiday Gifts Unless He’s Your Boyfriend

 By: Evan Marc Katz, Author of "Why You're Still Single: Thing Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad" 

 

“I don’t care to belong to any club that would have me as a member” – Groucho Marx

Yesterday, a woman client told me that she didn’t return a man’s phone call because he called her too quickly after receiving it. She felt bad about it, but her sentiment was loud and clear: “you’re trying too hard, too fast, and you should probably just chill out”.

Of course women aren’t the only ones who see things this way. We all tend to value things that are hard to get above things that are easy to get. The way we see it: if it’s that easy to obtain, it can’t be all that valuable, can it

This is why men want to sleep with women, but then often hold it against them when they do. This is why women want men to make an effort, but not so much, and not so soon.

So when it comes to giving holiday gifts to the new man in your life, bear in mind: less is more.

Believe me, I don’t think it should be this way. I mean, it would be great if both men and women could openly express their feelings without fear of recrimination. But what if a man were to bring you a bouquet of red roses on date 1? Nice gesture, but a bit too eager, don’t you think?

Such premature proclamations of devotion ring hollow when you’ve known someone for all of ten minutes. So, for your own sake, before you bust out the Amex, take the temperature of the relationship and make sure you’re both on the same page.

A man who is unsure about you may be flattered by a gift – hockey tickets, a new book, or a professional massage – but it is certainly not expected. Nor is a holiday gift necessarily going to make him like you more. After all, men don’t fall for women based on what they receive from them. Men fall for women based on how much they want to give to them.

That’s right. Men give. That’s why we ask you out. Why we make the first move. Why we follow up the next day for plans. Why we ask you to have sex. Why we offer to be exclusive. Why we ask you to move in and get engaged. You don’t have to initiate anything; you just have to receive and say yes. That’s sound dating advice – and sound gift-giving advice as well.

If you want a rule of thumb, try this:

No gifts after a great first date.

No gifts for the guy who is just “seeing” you.

The only time a guy should get a gift– whether it’s after one week or two months – is when he’s “officially” your boyfriend. Because if he’s seeing you and only you, leaving his weekends open for you, buying you dinners and gifts, and talking about plans for the future, then a small holiday gift is both appropriate and appreciated.

You might see a sweater that would make him look soooo cute. You might want to get him a new guitar case since his old one is ratty. You might consider booking a romantic night at the Ritz-Carlton.

But unless he’s your boyfriend (or has openly suggested mutual gift giving), you should probably hold off…at least until you know he’ll be around next month.

Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach and the author of “Why You’re Still Single”. Learn to create your own success in dating by picking up his free eBook, “The 5 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Your Love Life” at www.evanmarckatz.com/newsletter.html

 By: Andrea Syrtash, Host of "On Dating"

I once received a pretty white gold bracelet from a guy I had gone out with for a few weeks. I didn’t like it – not because I didn’t like the piece of jewelry, but because I didn’t know if I liked the guy giving it to me. I wondered why he felt the need to show me his interest with such an expensive gesture, and it made me question his judgment. I appreciated his generosity, but the fancy gift put unnecessary pressure onto the getting-to-know-you phase that we should have been enjoying at the start of dating. (For those of you who are wondering – no, I didn’t keep the jewelry!)

The reality is that it is not always the thought that counts when you share a gift with someone you are dating. And while I don't believe there are hard and fast rules in dating, I do believe there are smart strategies. It is important to remember that most communication is based on non-verbal exchanges. For this reason, we have to think about the messages we are sending with the gifts we give (or don't give, as the case may be).

Now that the holiday season is upon us, a number of singles are wondering about the kind of presents that are appropriate to share early in the courtship process. After all, at this stage, there is a fine line between sweet and…creepy.

Early into a relationship (during the first 3 months), gifts should be thoughtful but simple. A bouquet of pretty flowers, a book on subject matter that is of interest to the woman you are dating, or a great box of chocolates is appreciated by most women I have interviewed. Treating your date to a fun and interesting activity or taking her to an entertaining show or event also ranks highly. One woman I interviewed remarked, “I love old fashioned gifts like chocolates. You may think it’s boring – but most gals like it, and anything much more seems like you’re trying too hard….”

The problem with lavish gifts too soon is that you are setting a standard that may be difficult to keep and also, you may appear to be too eager. Sure, we want to know that you like us (and don't believe the hype that women want to date jerks!) - but we still want some mystery during the courtship process and time to figure out if we want to pursue a relationship.

After the initial honeymoon period, when you have been dating for 6 months or more, women I spoke to expect more substantial gifts that are based on your knowledge of what they appreciate. My friend's boyfriend got her a massage with a note that read, "You're working too hard! Take a day for yourself on me". She still talks about it years later.

Another woman I interviewed explained that she lost interest in her last boyfriend when she realized he never put any thought into the gifts he gave her. She said, “I had been with my ex for about 8 months and he still didn’t put in any effort when my birthday or Christmas came. He knew those occasions were important to me and I would’ve been happy with anything that showed he cared; but he shrugged and told me he didn’t care much about stupid holidays. It became obvious that he’d always put his interests ahead of mine…”

When you have been dating for a significant amount of time, make your gifts significant. At this point, you know your girlfriend’s hobbies, values and interests. Your girlfriend is expecting you to spend a little more money and a lot more time picking out something she will enjoy.

The good news is that most women I spoke to admit that kindness and generosity are displayed in the simplest of gestures - making sure she gets home okay, being a good listener or sharing a gift that is based on your knowledge of who she is. Those things go farther than a fancy white gold bracelet any day.

Andrea Syrtash is a dating expert, life coach, author and host of 'ON Dating', produced by NBC Digital Studios. Her third book, "He's Just Not Your Type (and that's a good thing)" will be published by Rodale in April 2010. Andrea has made Google 'hot trends’, ranking in the top 100 things googled on particular days between 2007-2009. She has no idea how that happened, but appreciates the (very postmodern) honor. For more visit www.andreasyrtash.com

The results are startling, but not surprising.

 By: Evan Marc Katz, Author of "Why You're Still Single: Thing Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad" 

In the latest It’s Just Lunch/American Way poll, 20% of respondents aged 21-39 felt they could determine within 5 minutes if a first date was worthy of a second date. 66% decide within a half-hour.

As a recently married dating coach who met hundreds of women during my bachelor days, I try not to judge such statistics. Naturally, if there’s absolutely no physical attraction, any relationship is a non-starter.

But can’t we all agree, that there are a ton of important things that can’t be discovered on a first date? And that maybe, just maybe, there’s something to learn from our elders?

I’m not going to stand on my soapbox and declare that you’re horribly shallow for making snap judgments on first dates. We all do. You’re busy, you know what you like, and you’ve got tons of dating options; what’s the point of wasting anybody’s time?

As a result, it’s easy to turn each lunch meeting into an audition. The problem with this instant-gratification model is that it doesn’t account for what’s truly MOST important in long-term relationships. What’s most important? Well, let’s ask someone who knows:

“Grandma, how have you and Grandpa lasted for so long?”

“Well, Emily, I’d say it’s because he’s smokin’ hot, I get weak in the knees around him, and we both really like Johnny Mathis music.”

Yeah, that’s probably not how that conversation would go.

Ask someone who’s been happily married for 40 years about the secret to her success, you won’t hear about looks, chemistry and common interests. You’ll probably hear a bunch of platitudes about trust, friendship, values, honesty, and laughter.

Yet these facets do not reveal themselves on date 1. It takes time for a person to reveal oneself.

In fact, I probably wouldn’t have gotten married if I’d taken my wife on a “conventional” first date. Because, in that first half-hour, I would have learned that she’s older than I am, a different religion than I am, and tells long, meandering stories that often don’t have a salient point.

But because I got a chance to get to know her, I was able to discover what makes her a keeper.

How she volunteers to give me a hip massage after I hurt myself doing yoga.

How she created a printed menu for an around-the-world wine tasting party on my 35th birthday.

How she drags me out of my office to make sure I eat her fabulous chopped salad with beets.

Her kindness, generosity, thoughtfulness and grace could not have been available to me on Date 1, and yet they are the qualities that seduced me above all others.

I’m not telling you that you should go out with someone who is rude or slovenly or inconsiderate or unattractive. I’m stating that you have no idea who someone is after a half-hour.

The way to connect is to give people a shot.

Keep dismissing everyone instantly and watch as they do the same thing to you.

Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach and the author of “Why You’re Still Single”. Learn to create your own success in dating by picking up his free eBook, “The 5 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Your Love Life” at www.evanmarckatz.com/newsletter.html