By: Andrea Syrtash, Host of "On Dating"
Einstein said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Most of us are very stubborn about our dating practices claiming that we know what we know and even if our dating choices have not yet helped us find a successful relationship, we are not interested in challenging the way we date. Dr. Phil would certainly ask, "Well - how's that workin' for ya?”
Recent results of the American Way poll for It’s Just Lunch suggest that we are speed dating on first dates, dismissing the potential for more to develop before the bread basket even arrives. According to the survey, it seems that we may as well request the check and end most dates after just a half hour or less!
In one of my first columns, I referred to 'Loud Sally' - a woman my friend initially wrote off as crazy and later pursued to marry. My friend found this woman loud and rather irritating when he first encountered her, and never considered that her nervousness or the high noise-level in the room caused her to um...project...more than usual. She was not at her best but he did not stick around long enough to realize there was a lot more to 'Loud Sally' than met the eye (or the ear, in this case). Interestingly, some of the quirks that this woman displayed the night they met later became my friend's favorite parts of her personality when he re-connected with her a year later. He once told me, "She hiccups when she's excited!" as if it was the cutest characteristic someone could have. Remember: there's a fine line between annoying and endearing.
How do you know, though, if, with a little time and patience, someone may grow on you? Here is a simple litmus test: If you look at the woman across from you on a first date and feel completely turned off and cannot see any shadow of a possibility with her in this lifetime (oh – the drama!) move on. If, however, you look at the woman in front of you and think, “She’s not a supermodel but I’m kind of enjoying this conversation…” hang in there. You may discover more about your feelings or the connection you have with her after the initial round of first date small talk…
Don’t get me wrong: I am not suggesting that you go on multiple dates with someone who turns you off – that is unrealistic and unfair. But - is it too much to ask for you to try to stay open-minded and present for the duration of a simple lunch date with someone you even moderately like? Like at first site is definitely underrated. Is it not worth the time and money you have put into the date to actually give it a fair shot? Doing so is not just for your date’s sake, but it is for yours as well. If you are rejecting any possibility of a connection before you even know if you have one, you may be missing out on someone you have real chemistry with. Too many happily married folks report that feelings grew through time together, and we all know that some of the blind date chatter is not always our best material.
Give your date an opportunity to show you who she is before you mentally check out. Give her more than half hour. After all, wouldn’t you want to be given the same chance?
Andrea Syrtash is a dating expert, life coach, author and host of 'ON Dating', produced by NBC Digital Studios. Her third book, "He's Just Not Your Type (and that's a good thing)" will be published by Rodale in April 2010. Andrea has made Google 'hot trends’, ranking in the top 100 things googled on particular days between 2007-2009. She has no idea how that happened, but appreciates the (very postmodern) honor. For more visit www.andreasyrtash.com